Family Of Women

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It’s Always a Good Time to Talk

Kids talk over cans and string

Real Talk!

I keep things close to the vest. Even though I am chronicling my life in these blogs, I am a capital P private person. As a teen, after I was told my parents were getting divorced, I had maybe a 90-minute window of vulnerability to get over to my friend’s house and cry while I told her the news. After that it was loose lips sink ships and I didn’t tell another soul for over a year.

To this day it’s hard for me to open up when things are hard, or confusing, or I just don’t know what to do, but I would be lying if I said that two of the most profound turns in my life were not directly because I risked sharing with another woman. Talking about it put me on a path toward a woman who had been through it before and could hold my hand and share her experiences with me.

The first time was when I was engaged and starting to feel like maybe I shouldn’t marry this man. I wrote about it in a previous blog here. I was so embarrassed and ashamed because changing my mind would be hard and everyone would ask me why. (To be fair, some people could tell why)

Enter my friend Maria, who was recently married, but it was already starting to fail. We were on the phone, each of us tiptoeing around what was really going on and I remember her saying, “I thought it would get better once we were married, but the problem didn’t go away. It got worse.” In that moment I knew I couldn’t stay in the relationship. She was living proof that no matter how awkward it would be to end it, it would be 10 times worse to stay.

The second time was about six months after my first daughter was born. After your body goes through an experience like that, there are so many adjustments physically, mentally, and spiritually. I knew humpty dumpty wouldn’t be put back together again, but I did not anticipate that it would jar loose what I can only describe as the rage of one righteously indignant goddess. My body had been altered at the molecular level and I didn’t know what was going on.

For what I can only imagine was providence, I alluded to it in a meeting I was guest at, and one woman said, “you should talk to my daughter Rona.” I reached out and she listened, she laughed with me, and she gave practical suggestions. We only spoke over 3 or 4 phone calls, but she pointed me in the direction of an author whose words cracked something open in me. For the past 8 years her work has enriched my life and, while I would certainly still be married, without Rona, I don’t think I would have had my second and third daughters.

Now, I’m talking about some big topics, because they’re easier to notice and their impacts ripple further, but imagine if we didn’t have to agonize alone over ALL the things in life? The big and the small are much more bearable when we can talk about it, when we can be heard and be seen. In the Family of Women, we say, “give me your troubles. It doesn’t affect me, but it’s hurting you.”

I invite you to join us. To come and talk. To be heard and be seen.

Click here to find out more about our “Let’s Talk” series of events.

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